a bed in a plane

Oh how the spirit of the holidays goes out the window as the “we’re now ready for boarding” comes over the loud speaker. All those seasons greetings give way to the inexplainable chaos of people boarding Noah’s Ark during the fiercest moments of the storm. While no one enjoys a crowded boarding area, sometimes it’s best to keep your mouth shut, especially if you’re a “know it all”…

“We’re now boarding Club World (business class) and Gold Executive Club members”. Being both, my wife and I knew it was indeed our turn to board. We weaved our way through those escaping onto this last aircraft on earth standard flight, only to hear two middle aged women, replete with Louis Vuitton luggage, big hoop earrings, tragically hip denim and a cargo jet full of attitude sulking on the way to their business class seats…

“What’s so complicated about priority boarding”. “These people are idiots”. Nothing new from the duo here, we’ve heard it all before. People enjoy their priority boarding and we get it. But then it got personal.

“Look at these morons, they’re in row 62 in the way back, what the hell don’t they understand about the word priority boarding.”

Oh it’s on. We could’ve let it go, but there was a far more amusing way to disperse this rudeness of this pair seated in business class. So I put on my very best “Hamilton” bravado…

“Isn’t it nice to be sitting UPSTAIRS on the 747 “Queen of the Skies” in 62, in the far more private, refined CLUB WORLD CABIN?”

My wife instantly knew it was on. Playing up to the role I teed up, she offered a brilliant reply, along the lines of…

“Yeah, so much nicer and quieter, plus it’s just four seats across up there. It’ll be a great flight”

We could hear the desperate housewives of New Jersey beginning to stir. Had they just been called out? Did they in fact feel like morons now, without us uttering a single rude, crude or divisive word or turning to engage them? It was absolutely beginning to feel like it.

“Look, it’s those two idiots”

As we settled into our (much more ideal) upstairs Club World seats, compared to the 8 across business class layout downstairs, my wife mentioned that the supreme guardians of the boarding gate decided to pop their head upstairs to see life from a different angle. We smiled and let them be on their merry way back downstairs. Needless, to say- never judge a boarding pass by its number- unless it’s 01A, that’s always a great number…

Gilbert Ott

Gilbert Ott is an ever curious traveler and one of the world's leading travel experts. His adventures take him all over the globe, often spanning over 200,000 miles a year and his travel exploits are regularly...

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  1. Funny story, but just wanted to mention 2 things. Not trying to be a “know it all”.

    1) It should be spelled “ark”
    2) according to the scriptures, Noah and family boarding the ark days before it started raining. I believe 7 days.

  2. I was sitting first from Cabo to Baltimore last year with my wife. We had two first class vouchers and decided to use them for the return home. A young man maybe late twenties (mind you I’m only 34) was walking through the first cabin and his partner said to him “wow these are nice” he was visually insecure and said to her “only an idiot would pay this much for first class and shot us a look”. My wife grabbed my leg and gave me the “just don’t” look. I couldn’t help it. I said “you’re right, we didn’t, we earned them and only an idiot wouldn’t of checked to see it was only a handful of miles to upgrade.” I then told him to check out your website and a few others to educate himself. His partner almost laughed. He was crushed as the curtain was pulled shut behind him.

  3. I hope you enjoy your day. And I’ll really enjoy mine when you have the gusto to introduce yourself in person! We’ll see when that day comes. Very best wishes.

    1. Why don’t you leave your real email address? I’d love to set up an in person meeting to see just how comical you are in real life. My treat.

  4. Very funny, although sometimes even BA’s own cabin crew get confused by the high row numbers. A little while ago I was one of the first to board a BA 747, flashed the 62K pass to the flight attendant, got a quizzical look and was told “straight across and right towards the back”. I shot a quizzical look back, said nothing but started climbing the stairs anyway, at which point she literally started chasing me, “Sir! Siiirrrr!!”…. You can imagine her blushes, and the giggles from a fortunately sympathetic CSD when I gently explained that I knew where my seat was and it wasn’t in the back!

    1. Absolute classic! Made even worse by the fact that they don’t operate a single flight that goes above row 50 on the main deck. Oh well. Would’ve paid money to watch that interaction.

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