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I have the utmost sympathy for people experiencing delays, cancellations, weather issues, bumps and all the other crazy stuff that happens. It sucks, it’s painful and often you feel as if no one can or will help. I feel for you. On the other hand, there are the lovely folks who love to complain for what I deem to be no reasonable reason, no matter what happens. Here are five great ways to ensure you’ll always hate travel and everyone around you will hate you too…

Excuse Me, I’m Going To Miss My Flight…

I ^^^^ (your choice) hope you do! I can’t count how many times I’ve patiently waited in a line to see someone come running by me saying “sorry, I’m going to miss my flight”. With the exception of those making a connection, who likely wouldn’t need to re check in anyway, there’s absolutely no reason why we all should have to wait for your unprepared, unorganized antics. I leave early for the airport, because as Forrest Gump says, sh*t happens. I don’t care if your cab was delayed, you read your itinerary wrong or you are Donald Trump, get in the back of the line and if you miss your flight, at least you might learn for next time. 

This Seat Isn’t Spacious!

Shut up. Do you know how hard I work everyday to provide free travel resources to anyone with a mobile phone or internet connection? In fact, I even have posts detailing the best and worst economy seats, premium economy seats, business class seats, first class seats and the best ways to upgrade. Being happy is about research. Use SeatGuru to find out how many inches of pitch, width and recline your seat will have and make consumer decisions based on those stats. You’ll even be able to learn which seats in your cabin have a few extra inches of room built in.

I’m Special Upgrade Me…

There’s nothing like seeing adults behave like children, which in some cases would be extremely offensive to children. Upgrades are a function of loyalty, planning, collecting miles, and purchasing a ticket that allows you or the airline to create an upgrade. Just because you wore your best celebrity look alike outfit and bought Rayban’s, does not mean you’re coming to sit next to me. Wasting gate staff, crew and other peoples time pleading your case endlessly is never going to make friends, and it detracts from those that need help. 

Knock On The Lavatory

My favorite little trick on a long flight to look incredibly sharp and cool in the terminal, while being optimally comfortable on the plane is to pack a pear of sweats and a t shirt for the flight. I quickly pop into the restroom and change. Whatever your reason for going to the restroom, airlines try to make it really easy on fellow passengers, with what seems to me as a fairly simple red or green sign. Despite sharing the colors of a ^^^^ (again, your choice) traffic light, I find that people love to knock. Stop knocking, sit down, and wait for the red to turn green.

Wear Your Best Outfit

There’s nothing like a person in a clean pressed suit or dress. The only problem with that is when you go through security, you’ll need to remove just about everything except your pants, and for some of you lucky ones, you may even end up removing those! No one likes waiting behind someone taking forever in a security line, it has a domino effect. Do your best to make yourself and those around you happy by wearing an easy to remove belt, shoes that pop right off, and try not to wear too many layers. If you travel for work, keep the suit on you in a nice bag, you’ll be more comfortable and look sharper in your meeting without contorting your body in an airline seat. 

If you’re smart, you’ll read through the crass and jaded tone of my writing to make your travels happier with research, planning, proper airport arrival times, observance of green signs and other logical and less alienating practices. If you’re an idiot, you’ll continue to inspire only my best work…

As Always, Get In Touch: GodSaveThePoints@gmail.com

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