Oh how the spirit of the holidays goes out the window as the “we’re now ready for boarding” comes over the loud speaker. All those seasons greetings give way to the inexplainable chaos of people boarding Noah’s Ark during the fiercest moments of the storm. While no one enjoys a crowded boarding area, sometimes it’s best to keep your mouth shut, especially if you’re a “know it all”…

“We’re now boarding Club World (business class) and Gold Executive Club members”. Being both, my wife and I knew it was indeed our turn to board. We weaved our way through those escaping onto this last aircraft on earth standard flight, only to hear two middle aged women, replete with Louis Vuitton luggage, big hoop earrings, tragically hip denim and a cargo jet full of attitude sulking on the way to their business class seats…

“What’s so complicated about priority boarding”. “These people are idiots”. Nothing new from the duo here, we’ve heard it all before. People enjoy their priority boarding and we get it. But then it got personal.

“Look at these morons, they’re in row 62 in the way back, what the hell don’t they understand about the word priority boarding.”

Oh it’s on. We could’ve let it go, but there was a far more amusing way to disperse this rudeness of this pair seated in business class. So I put on my very best “Hamilton” bravado…

“Isn’t it nice to be sitting UPSTAIRS on the 747 “Queen of the Skies” in 62, in the far more private, refined CLUB WORLD CABIN?”

My wife instantly knew it was on. Playing up to the role I teed up, she offered a brilliant reply, along the lines of…

“Yeah, so much nicer and quieter, plus it’s just four seats across up there. It’ll be a great flight”

We could hear the desperate housewives of New Jersey beginning to stir. Had they just been called out? Did they in fact feel like morons now, without us uttering a single rude, crude or divisive word or turning to engage them? It was absolutely beginning to feel like it.

“Look, it’s those two idiots”

As we settled into our (much more ideal) upstairs Club World seats, compared to the 8 across business class layout downstairs, my wife mentioned that the supreme guardians of the boarding gate decided to pop their head upstairs to see life from a different angle. We smiled and let them be on their merry way back downstairs. Needless, to say- never judge a boarding pass by its number- unless it’s 01A, that’s always a great number…